Turns out I made a giant error in yesterday’s article by calling NASCAR fans merely “imbeciles” and “special.” I grossly underestimated the persistence of the mental midgets of NASCAR and their ability to fuck with my life. The NASCAR diehards over at BleacherReport bitched until my article was deleted. Censored by the man. I stand by my claim that NASCAR is only popular because simpletons flock to the plain and basic NASCAR races like bulimics to Twinkies. It’s the truth, don’t blame the messenger.
Angry NASCAR fans unite!
Don’t kid yourselves, steering a car and drafting may take some minimal athletic effort, but that fact doesn’t make NASCAR intellectual or interesting. It takes more skill and athleticism to know when exactly to pull out to perform a perfect Dirty Sanchez on an unsuspecting participant, but you don’t see me claiming it should be an Olympic event.
Even more comical, far too many NASCAR fans also found it necessary to tell me their academic credentials. Believe it or not, some alleged NASCAR fan actually graduated high school as “number 20 out of 397 people.” As if I give a shit. The fact that you know your class rank from high school and that you felt the need to tell me that is embarrassing enough for you, being a NASCAR fan on top of that is just overkill.
After yesterday’s NASCAR fan backlash, I am more enlightened. I now have a greater appreciation for the loneliness and awkwardness that dominates the life of NASCAR fans. No need to concern yourselves with the adults talking on this blog, NASCAR fans, we won’t be taking away your shinny, bright cars anytime soon. Taking down my articles won’t change that.
Enough redneck induced rage, on to some Shots From Around the Web:
Soon to be drafted Ohio State WR Brian Hartline bending over his girlfriend at an OSU party – SHOT.
Tiger Woods’ prom picture; has he ever met a white girl he didn’t like? – SHOT.
Meet the hottest sideline reporters not named Erin Andrews – SHOT.
Hayden Panettiere in Miami for New Year’s with boxing badass, Vladimir Klitschko – SHOT.
Something tells me Rihanna’s new boyfriend, Dodger Matt Kemp, would have caused more damage than Chris Brown – SHOT.
